Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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