So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
