the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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