i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had to cum in my sink.
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