My brain says no but my pants say off.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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