I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
