but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you win again, gameday.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
