If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
