I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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