I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
