im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
