I'm gonna have a badass scar
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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