I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
