does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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