i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
