when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
