If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
These tits shall not be calmed
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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