is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
