Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
