please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
