i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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