who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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