I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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