3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
