I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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