my being single is dangerous.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
