my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
