pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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