I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
