it was like his penis was on wheels.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
