Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
