Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
