Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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