Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
