sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
