i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
