Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
