One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
