i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So squirting runs in the family.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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