Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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