Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
