I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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