I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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