so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
