Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
