remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
