Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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