i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
