my vag is so smooth its legendary
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
