she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
