god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
