it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
