There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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