escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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