These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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